FRONT PORCH FELONS — EST. 2026. NO WARRANT REQUIRED.
FUNNY TEES. ICONIC THEMES. ZERO APOLOGIES.
NEW — LONG SLEEVE $37.95
Every design. Black, S–3XL.
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HOODIES $49.95
On the 90s line, Electrician and Welder. Black, S–3XL.
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FALL LINE
Pumpkin spice, flannel, deer season and yelling at the TV. Seasonal — here while the leaves are.
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TRADE DIVISION
For the ones who actually build, fix, and keep it running. Worn on the job, probably against dress code.
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COUNTRY
Porch wisdom, tractor pride, and opinions nobody asked for. For the folks who earned every gray hair.
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ONLYDADS
The dad-bod thirst-trap division. He mows, he grills, he poses. Subscribe for lawn care tips and one blurry photo.
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Every design comes as a Box Tee, a Vintage and a Long Sleeve. Hoodies are on the 90s line, Electrician and Welder — not every design yet, and we’d rather say so.
THE HEAVY ONE · 7 OZ
Cotton Heritage MC1087
100% combed ring-spun cotton at 7 oz — the heaviest tee we could find that isn’t a jacket. Oversized boxy streetwear cut, drop shoulders, and a ribbed reinforced collar that won’t bacon out in the wash.
Fit: Cut oversized on purpose. If you like it fitted, go a size down.
Colours: Black, or White where the joke needs it.
Sizes: S–4XL on most designs
On: Every design.
THE SOFT ONE · 6.1 OZ · GARMENT-DYED
Comfort Colors 1717
100% ring-spun cotton, dyed after it’s sewn, so the colour comes already faded and broken in like the shirt you refuse to throw out. Relaxed classic fit, twill-taped shoulders, double-needle hems.
Fit: Relaxed and true to size.
Colours: Pepper (faded black), Red and Ivory.
Sizes: S–4XL on most designs
On: Every design.
THE SLEEVES ONE · HEAVYWEIGHT
Cotton Heritage MC1186
Soft-washed combed ring-spun cotton with a tight knit that takes a crisp print. Classic fit, ribbed cuffs, sleeves for porch season after dark.
Fit: Classic fit, true to size — between two sizes, take the larger one and roll the cuffs.
Colours: Black only.
Sizes: S–3XL
On: Every design.
THE WARM ONE · 8 OZ FLEECE
Gildan 18500 Heavy Blend
8 oz 50/50 cotton-poly fleece, classic fit, double-lined hood with a matching drawstring and a pouch pocket. The art sits above the pocket, where it belongs — and it goes up to 5XL.
Fit: Classic fit, true to size — the roomier, traditional hoodie cut; stay with your usual size.
Colours: Black only.
Sizes: S–5XL
On: the 90s line, Electrician and Welder.
All four are printed to order with direct-to-garment ink that soaks into the cotton instead of sitting on top like a plastic patch. Tees run to 4XL on most designs; Long Sleeve runs S–3XL and the Hoodie S–5XL, black only. The small surcharge on 2XL and up is the same whatever you pick.
Don’t see the color or the hoodie you want? Message us and we’ll sort it out. →
New drops, zero snitching.
